I feel like I lack confidence. Maybe it's because I'm the new girl in town and on campus. Maybe it's because everybody is so much younger than me. Maybe I do just feel a little bit out of place (okay, a lot.)
I've been watching all of these older movies and the way that these old Hollywood stars walk amazes me. They exude this type of confidence that I would LOVE to possess.
*Quick side note- in my opinion modern stars for the most part do not have this same type of confidence I'm referring to. Most of them in their pictures look annoyed or as if they'd rather be doing something else. Some look downright shy or afraid, as if they should never leave the house.
So anyway, I said to myself last night "Keisha, you have GOT to get some confidence!"
But confidence is not something that you wake up with. I don't think there is a confidence pill that you take one of at bedtime and wake up magically confident (if there is, please tell me where I can get it.)
I think confidence is a combination of a bunch of different things and it varies for different people.
I believe my confidence comes from these sources:
- The way that I feel about myself at the time
- The way that people vocalize how they feel about me
- Recent past successes
If I do well on something I tend to do well in all related things following. On the same note, if I do horribly, it tends to just snowball downward. I need to start putting more effort into everything I do so that I keep the positive upswing and don't slide backwards.
As far as other people's opinions: I know people always say to ignore what people say and that none of it matters. But ya know what? All of it matters. Most girls are confident when people tell them they are pretty or smart or always look nice or whatever. Well I am one of those. When people tell me that I'm pretty I believe it. When people tell me I am dressed nicely I believe it. When I have little girls looking up to me for whatever reason I feel good. Who doesn't?
When I feel good I feel more confident. I remember a couple of summers ago I was told to wear Khaki pants and tennis shoes to something. Well, I'm not comfortable in tennis shoes- ever. And plain Khaki pants make me feel frumpy. So I was hesitant to let anybody see me and ultra timid and just blech. I asked if I could wear anything I wanted the following week and was told yes. I showed up in jeans and shoes that were more me and couldn't stay off of the field. That was when I realized how much how I look can change how I feel.
So with all of that being said, one of my new goals is to work on my confidence. To just be a more confident person all around. I'd like to be at my confidence peak come September so that I can fit in right away but that's not possible....so now I guess I will try to fake my confidence. lol.
